Hard To Say
by SpecialHell
Summary: Post-'Requiem' Tony/Gibbs, not-slash-but-can-be-seen-that-way. Inspired by the song lyric: "I know I never tell you what you're worth; that's 'cos it's more than I deserve."


_A/N. This story was inspired by the Christian Kane song 'More Than I Deserve.' It's set post 'Requiem' and although I personally see it as a pre-slash/declaration of love, it can be read as straight friendship or father/son too._

* * *

Gibbs heard the feet on the stairs and closed his eyes. He should've known. Before he had the chance to look up, he heard Tony speak.

"You shouldn't be down here. It's not good for your lungs."

Gibbs wanted to retort but when he looked up, he couldn't. Tony's expression was a strange mix of concerned and furious. Looking away, Gibbs spoke quietly. "Burying some old ghosts."

"Bad choice of words," Tony replied, and Gibbs could see him itching to move.

"You come here for a reason, DiNozzo?" Gibbs snapped, and watched as Tony tamped down on his own angry response. The next sentence was bit out through clenched teeth.

"I came to talk."

"So talk."

Tony looked like he was about to hit something now. Taking a deep breath, Tony gave in to the urge to pace instead. "Y'know, we never talked when you got back. I didn't say a word when you dumped my stuff back onto my desk like it meant nothing. Nobody brings up the fact that you abandoned us; left me to pick up the pieces. I didn't come to you to complain about how hard it was keeping the team in line. How I basically had to slap them down like misbehaving children every damn day. I wasn't you, and they didn't want to listen. I didn't expect a 'thank you' or a 'good job' and God knows I never expected you to bring it up."

"You got a point?" Gibbs cut in; uncomfortable with the guilt this line of conversation brought up.

"My point is, after today I think I deserve something. You didn't even thank me, you realise that? Maddie did, but you didn't."

"You came all the way down here because you want me to thank you?"

This only sparked Tony's anger again, but again his voice was measured when it came out. "No, I want you to trust me enough not to run off without me like that in the first place."

"It was personal."

"You almost died!"

"You saved me." Gibbs' lip quirked into a half-smile, and he saw Tony's shoulders sag in unconscious response. "You always do."

"You know Jenny offered me a promotion when you came back?"

"I didn't know," Gibbs replied, adding "and one day you're going to tell me how you got to be on first name terms with the Director."

Tony didn't seem too happy about that prospect, and it made Gibbs chuckle just a little.

"Why didn't you take it?"

"I didn't want to leave. The team needs me, or at least I like to think so."

"We do," Gibbs responded immediately, meeting Tony's eyes. "I do."

"Wouldn't kill you to say that a little more," Tony gave a lopsided smile, but Gibbs saw the insecurity.

"Couldn't."

"Why the hell not?" Tony was back to being angry again, but it was tinged with exhaustion now.

"Because."

"Because isn't an answer, Jethro. It's not even a sentence!"

"Because I can't lose you!" Gibbs shouted back. Tony looked shocked, and Gibbs' voice softened as he continued. "Any of the others, I could survive, but I can't lose you. The second you start getting the recognition you deserve, somebody's gonna realise that I don't deserve to keep you."

"You were… scared?" Tony ventured, and Gibbs didn't think he'd heard Tony sound that young in a long time.

"Even I get scared sometimes, Tony," Gibbs looked away as he continued. "You had a reputation of not sticking around."

"That was a while ago now," Tony offered. "Think you broke the curse."

"I didn't want to take the chance."

Tony stepped forward, making Gibbs look at him again. "Listen to me, Gibbs, because I'm not saying this again. I love our team. Our family. I'm not going anywhere, because I would much rather be second on the best team, than leading anyone else. You're stuck with me, Bub."

Gibbs smiled. Without a word he got up, fetched his ever-present bottle and emptied out two mason jars. He poured each of them a glug and handed one to Tony. Taking the drink, Tony finally sat down on his usual step. They sat in silence for a long moment, each sipping their drink. After a while, Gibbs spoke.

"Tony."

Tony looked up.

"Thank you."

Tony hid a smile behind the mason jar. "Don't mention it."

The End.


End file.
